Fruityphones

Canadian firm blows Raspberry at Apple, reports James Jobless

Hot on the tails of Apple’s announcement that it is entering the mobile phone business for real, little-known Canadian firm Raspberry Inc has announced that it will be going head to head with its own fruit-based telephony product. Branded the uPhone, the new handset is powered by Innocent Smoothies, making it easy to top up at the nearest café or delicatessen.

‘Apple’s iPhone, like so many of its products, promotes a very selfish image’, Raspberry Inc’s chief agricultural office Trevor Pomegranite told us. ‘It's all "i, i, i". Our uPhone is much more altruistic, and is specifically designed with being stolen in mind.’ Aside from relying on fruit juice for power, the uPhone is equipped with an extra-loud speaker and low-sensitivity microphone. This ensures everyone can hear your conversations and know you have the latest mobile phone technology.

‘The uPhone is all about sharing,’ Pomegranite explained. ‘Sharing your conversations on public transport, sharing your music with passers by, and sharing the unit itself with thieves because it’s going to cost $4,000 and will be regularly stolen.’ In a pithy interview, Pomegranite argued that these features would allow the uPhone to ‘pulp the competition’. The uPhone will have video playback abilities, and will come pre-loaded with Woody Allen’s Bananas and John Ford’s Grapes of Wrath.

‘Apple’s fruit salad days are over’, Pomegranite enthused. ‘We’re going to “berry” them!’