The saga of incandescent notebook batteries has taken a new sinister turn, reports Esmeralda Lithium-Ion
The Japanese city of Tokyo lay in ruins this morning, after yet another case of spontaneous Dell battery combustion. According to city resident Nobi Kawasaki, 97, the conflagration began when his Dell Inspiron XPS Gen2 started overheating as he searched for images of schoolgirls in sailor suits on the Internet.
‘I thought it was just my lap making the heat,’ explained Kurosawa ‘But it turned out it was my laptop!’ The conflagration set off a chain reaction in a nearby Sony facility, where thousands more incendiary power sources ignited. This released a stampede of frightened AIBOs, which are now raging uncontrollably across the country. Japanese military were being assisted by crime-fighting dinosaur Godzilla in the apprehension of the robotic swarm, which has already claimed thousands more lives than the original explosion.
Dell spokesperson Arthur Longitude told us that only batteries with ‘666’ in their serial number and a small picture of Michael Dell’s arse were likely to cause other world cities to be destroyed. ‘But if your notebook’s battery exhibits these signs, turn it off now and run for your life, or you could die,’ Longitude recommends.
The Tokyo news came as Dell was facing legal action from users who have found its 30in TFTs too wide for everyday use, causing their eyes to point permanently in opposite directions. So far, however, reports that Dell optical mice have been coming to life and mauling their owners have not been confirmed.
Dell spokesperson Arthur Longitude told us that only batteries with ‘666’ in their serial number and a small picture of Michael Dell’s arse were likely to cause other world cities to be destroyed. ‘But if your notebook’s battery exhibits these signs, turn it off now and run for your life, or you could die,’ Longitude recommends.
The Tokyo news came as Dell was facing legal action from users who have found its 30in TFTs too wide for everyday use, causing their eyes to point permanently in opposite directions. So far, however, reports that Dell optical mice have been coming to life and mauling their owners have not been confirmed.
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