Parallel graphics mystery revealed

Nvidia SLI ‘based on ancient Egyptian technology’, reports Frodo Abramovich

The hardware enthusiast industry was in shock today as it learned that Nvidia’s SLI might not be as cutting edge as first claimed. Although Nvidia has clearly differentiated its SLI technology from the 3dfx version by using a lowercase ‘i’ in the logo, its true origin could be much older than originally thought. In fact, SLI could predate 3dfx by thousands of years, according to secret documents revealed today.

Ancient camel-dung tablets have been discovered which clearly show two Egyptian scribes writing hieroglyphics onto stone tablets in parallel, doubling the performance. Although this process of ‘Slave-Linked Inscription’ was commonplace in 2,000BC, the technology was thought to have been lost during the reign of the androgynous Pharoah Akhenaton. But it is now believed that the ‘Secret of SLI’ was jealously kept through the ages by an arcane holy order by the name of The Priory of Psion. Related to the Knights Tempura, a deep-fried vegetarian wing of the Japanese Cathode Church, The Priory eventually founded 3dfx to harness the power of the mystic technologies it possessed.

‘Nvidia’s SLI is grounded in very old, essentially primeval knowledge,’ argued Nvidia spokesperson Adrian Float. ‘Dualism has reigned supreme throughout history – good and evil, yin and yang, Cannon and Ball. Twin Nvidia graphics cards not only continue that tradition, but improve on it twofold!’